While it is important to be agreed on the use of discipline before marriage, it is equally important to be able to see that your future spouse is prepared to lead if he is the man, and to follow if she is the woman. There are many ways to do this, despite the fact we can’t know everything about our future spouse, and there will always be learning to do over the years together. A man especially, because of the legal ease of divorce, and the advantage that a woman is given legally, needs to know that his future wife is a woman who can easily obey, and who can accept correction well. A woman may also want to know what being submissive entails, and realistically what her man may expect of her. Some period of practice and trial is good to have during a courting or betrothal period.
One thing a man can do to assure that his wife is in line with him, is to give her instructions. This may be as simple as a task he needs done, or a time to meet. He should see that she can accomplish what he tells her, and does not have a problem with being told what to do. Making sure that she does what she is told eventually will entail correcting her when she fails to. I realize that someone will claim she might never fail, but such would be a very rare case. In the event of her poor performance, or forgetfulness with her duties, he may correct her and ought to see that she is able to receive correction without arguing. Receiving it well means she does not cause conflict or argument over being corrected, and that she shows a willingness to learn and do better. It should reflect over time that she sincerely tries to do better.
The man can also set some standards before he marries her. These may include basic standards for appropriate dress, as well as for her speech. If she’s going to marry this man, she ought to know she is going to have to follow his rules, and she should demonstrate that she can follow them. She’s going to have to do so very soon. A woman should make it her goal to show submissiveness to her future husband, as well as remorse if she should do poorly. This shows she will be a good wife for him. If she responded with attitude or rebellion, obviously, she shows she would make a poor one. Certainly, growth in her femininity and submission is a journey, and a man should not expect perfection, but he should see that his future wife knows how to be submissive and will fall in line with his will without problem.
Naturally, most would agree that discipline before marriage should not be an intimate kind. That would leave non-spanking forms of punishment for the man to use, such as writing or grounding. He can correct her verbally as well. I know there are some couples who use spanking as a punishment while they are seeing each other, and do so without nudity, spanking over the clothes with a solid instrument which will still leave its mark. That modest form of spanking takes the intimacy of it down a notch, but is still risky because the act tends to lead to other things. Either way, it could be helpful if a woman has to undergo punishment during a courting period.
Like in marriage, it is wise for the man to be wary of any disrespect or bad attitude in his future spouse. He ought to correct this when he sees it, first verbally, and if necessary, later with punishment. He does not want to be spending the rest of his life with a woman who will not respect him. He needs to nip that in the bud. He needs to let her know how very serious disrespect is, and that he will not be tolerating it. If she does not show an ability to learn respect and submission, including an acceptance of correction from her future husband, he should not marry her.
It is fair to point out, that since a couple is not married yet, the husband does not have full authority yet. If that’s the case, why is he setting rules and giving punishments at this time? The answer is that it is a model of the behavior, and will allow both of them to see that the other can do his job, and see what their role entails. For that reason, they practice in a model of authority and submission, even though it is not formally established yet. Just as a wife may show off her skills in the home before becoming a homemaker, and to show what she is made of, future husband and wife rehearse some of what will come in other ways. This clearly should be the case once they are getting to know each other better, and once marriage is the goal.
Finally, the man’s leadership which is on display ought to be one which is calm and loving. A future wife should be able to see that he is not out-of-control, angry, or demeaning. His correction is tempered with love as well, showing it is not all about his gain, but is simply a corrective tool. A godly man of character leads his wife with respect for her as the weaker one, and displays his appreciation of her all the time, and in other ways. It is not a shallow authority of mere position, but one of strength and love which has the right goals for their marriage and household. It is wise not to marry anyone who is motivated by rage, but one who has peace at heart. It does not take years to get to know someone. However, with the right patience in preparation, both man and wife will see they are marrying one who is of good character, and will fulfill the goals of marriage.
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