When He Wants to Take Her the Back Way

When discussing sex in submission I’ve mostly written much on what a man should do, or can do, in using sex to teach his wife submission. I’ve gotten into a number of specifics physically. I also have to bring up a few things he should not do with her, and this includes taking his wife anally. Taking her this way is a bad idea, whether for training her, or for intercourse in general. Many men will expect this difficult act out of their wives, and within the BDSM crowd, it is almost universal. There are readers here who endorse it. Anal is used as part of a punishment, because it is humbling and can be painful, and is used for regular training in submission. I do not deny the effectiveness of anal training in turning around a bad attitude, or instilling submission, but I strongly advise against using it, and people who consider anal should recognize there are better alternatives, which can teach the same thing.

It does not take an MD to recognize that anal is strongly against the body’s design. Not only is the backside designed as an exit, but it is not designed for intercourse at all, having little lining to protect it during intercourse, little in the way of lubrication, and being easily chafed and torn. Because it has totally different design, anal is the source of severe pain, minor and major injury, along with infection. On top of that, the practice is filthy. It is hard to imagine that any balanced individual wants human waste, filth, mixed in with their lovemaking, polluting the most intimate acts. It is the kind of thing that naturally makes one want to vomit. Defenders of anal may argue that taking various precautions can cut the risks involved, but this is a poor argument. Number one, they do not get rid of the risks, but merely reduce them. Number two, the kind of precautions demanded to cut risks are very involved, and on a practical level, most people are not going to do them all of the time. That’s why anal is statistically associated with so much pain, injury, and infection. There is neither a perfect nor practical way to get rid of the risks. 

There are many women who will face the situation of a husband who wants to take her in the backside. It’s not a rare request, and women may proceed in different ways. I believe the best thing to do is to discuss the matter with her husband, and share the dangers of backdoor sex with him. He should know that this is a severe misuse of the body, and quite risky. It’s a matter of basic biology. He should also know that with his role of protecting his wife, he should not want to expose her to such risks, and would bear some responsibility for any problems she endures. A wife can give her husband material which explains the risks, and she can also explain on a personal level, why she would never want to undergo such treatment. I believe many husbands will be considerate, both of the facts which prove it to be harmful, and of his wife’s need for protection.

If a husband does not relent, a wife may consider refusing. In my view, I do not believe that outright refusal is a good idea. Defiance in any matter is a serious act, and it can bring discord to the home. I believe it is worth it for the sake of peace to accept a husband’s wishes if he is truly being insistent. It is not a serious enough issue to create conflict over. The fact is, even if a husband is not willing to give up taking his wife anally, he may be willing to do it very infrequently, or choose to rely on anal play rather than anal intercourse, which will cut the risks. He may be willing to rely on using smaller toys rather than taking her with his own member, assuring it is a less painful and less violent act. There are sincere men and women who teach wifely submission who will teach that a wife may refuse her husband in this situation, but I advise differently, and believe they should talk it out, but a wife should not absolutely refuse.

What a man wishes to accomplish through anal, in teaching a wife submission, is easily accomplished through other training. Clear instructions and firm discipline will teach submission, instilling a deep sense of belonging, a lack of resistance to him, and a desire to serve. So will the regular use of honorific speech towards her husband, kneeling before him, and regular nudity in the home. Sexual submission can be further taught without anal, through the man’s dominance in the bedroom, and through oral training. A wife who is regularly going down on her husband is getting shaped in submission, and learning a lesson that sinks to her core. There is a peace at heart that a well led and disciplined wife has, and a peace that is maintained in the home. None of this requires training in the back door. It seems therefore an unnecessary risk to accomplish such a goal.