This is the first part in a series on managing the wife. It will focus on setting standards for the home, and leading her in marriage life, with further discussion on when discipline may be needed. Some of these topics I’ve gone over before, others will be new.
One domain in which a husband will oversee his wife is the area of using money. Like any other area of home life, he needs to establish what the goal with the household finances is, as well as what limits exist. A woman can offer her husband great help with money when she is responsible and thoughtful about her use of these valuable resources, saving him money, and safeguarding what they have. A few women have weaknesses with money, or may tend toward being irresponsible, which will negatively affect this area as any other.
It is normal in marriage to view possessions as shared items. Man and wife become one body in marriage, and this is reflected in shared ownership. Money is something the man has authority over, but his wife also has access to it, to use for needs which are acceptable to him. The man has authority of the house, but the wife has a right to use if fully, so long as she does not break his rules in doing so. Lives in marriage are intertwined that way. With money, that means the man decides what it needs to be used for, and the wife is frequently the one using it for those purposes, often being the practical hands-on manager. Since her domain is the home, many of those purchases will be for the home, just as they may be for what her husband requires her to buy otherwise. She is his helper with money, as with everything else.
A husband should decide on a set of standards in his wife’s spending, and management of funds in general. He does not need to know about every single purchase, since so many are part of regular necessities, and are fairly small. I believe it is wisest to let a wife know that for larger purchases she needs to ask permission. For other purchases, you can give her a general spending limit, perhaps weekly or monthly. That can include regular purchases like food, clothing, educational material, and household items. Small extra purchases usually don’t throw things off, so I don’t try and regulate them. However, if your budget is especially tight, you may choose not to permit anything beyond the necessities, or anything else you have required.
It will help your wife if you are also leading the home in a lifestyle which is wise in its spending, and frugal in ordinary circumstances. She should see you are not wasteful with funds, and do not rack up expenses for things which are unnecessary, such as luxuries, and entertainments. Daily life should be modest, with a home built on what the family needs to live, work, and pray. Extra money can be used to help ministry, as well as the needy. There is nothing wrong with enjoying something expensive on a special occasion, such as on Christmas or an anniversary, but it should not be the norm, and spending should still be within reason. A life of luxury and unnecessary indulgences is out of step with the Christian lifestyle and teaching. If you show your wife through running the home life that funds are valuable and to be used wisely, she will catch the spirit better, and stay on the path you have set more easily.
Areas in which you may need to correct your wife are when she is ignoring the budget you have set, or making any grand purchases without permission. Other forms of serious fiscal irresponsibility need to be addressed too. While many women are excellent in handling the household finances, some women uniquely have a weakness in this area, and need to be steered clear of harming the home. Misuse of funds is reason to give her a spanking. There are serious repercussions for everyone if your wife loses control with money, so she has to understand the responsibility she has, as well as the gravity of this infraction. If she tries to hide her misuse of finances, you will need to deal firmly with that dishonesty as well. One of the women who wrote a guest article, who was new to discipline, ended up in trouble for doing just that. I have spoken with a few other couples with a wife who overindulged with the credit card and needed to face a spanking. You wife is going to have to learn self-control with money, responsibility, and obedience to the limits you have set for her.
Women who have a weakness with money find it attractive enough to spend money that they lose self-control in this area. Spending can become their drug, and they crave the feeling it gives. Other times it is unique items which tempt them to overindulge in spending, even wrecking the finances to do so. A husband needs to address these wrongs by giving sound punishment, and also learn where she is falling prey to temptation, and help make it easier for her to resist. He should work on strengthening her, and developing her virtue when it comes to being self-controlled. As I spoke of earlier, often leading her in a generally modest lifestyle, and a life dependent upon God, makes money less attractive, since fulfillment is found elsewhere. Regular fasting also helps in becoming disciplined, and reliant upon the spirit, and not the carnal world. She deserves a spanking for wasting money, and also your guidance and positive support.
If your wife has ongoing problems with funds, and these have not turned around with discipline and guidance, then it is time to remove some of her power to spend, at least for the time being. You can either set limits on how much money a card can be used for, or you can take them away entirely. You can make sure she is no longer the one working with your bank or other institutions, and take that responsibility fully on yourself. If she needs to go cold turkey from spending for a while, that can end up being the best for her.
Assuming she is responsible, I do not think it is wise to control all of the details of a wife’s spending. She may have her own projects, which you may allot some basic funds for. She may handle the garden, pick up books for homeschooling, or have a small home business. Like other areas, it would get overly complex for a husband to try and involve himself in every detail financially, but he uses his guidance simply to set a general budget, and assure the funds are being used rightly. She handles the details, and if she is virtuous there very rarely will be any trouble. However, she ought to know there are serious consequences if she does waste money, and the rails you place on spending are real.
You can find most of these articles on my About Page organized loosely by subject matter.
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