Do Men Need a Spanking Too?

In discussing the chastisement of wives, it often comes up that the husband, who delivers the chastisement, is badly behaved himself. Doesn’t he need a spanking too? Before long, you could hear a chorus of “yes” from the bulk of humanity, who know human behavior well enough, along with many cheers and chants to wild drumbeats for the punishment to proceed. In the context of marriage, of course, with the man as the leader, there is no one in the family who serves to discipline him. The wife and the children are under his authority and are disciplined by him. However, in a broader context which includes domains of school, church, civil justice, and others there is nothing wrong with a man being punished with corporal punishment. Its benefits are universal, and it has been practiced on adults for ages.

Some may be surprised to hear me say that, since they assume that male headship presupposes some sort of male supremacy, and that men who spank their wives must simply like to “beat” women. Yet this is far from the truth. Anyone who has read this marriage guide, or who is familiar with traditional biblical authority, will recognize that we teach that everyone is under authority, everyone is in a position to be corrected at times, with various authorities in life, and the highest one being God Almighty. The husband leads his wife meekly, and for the ultimate good. Yet the man who is head of the home is also guided by other men, and often directly under other the authority of other men. Of course then, it is legitimate that he gets punished at times.

Why a man may need a spanking is not very different from why a wife may need one. He may have committed serious wrongs, or he may have ongoing problems with his behavior. A spanking, if serious enough, would get him motivated to solve this. It may be for laziness, or lack of self-control. Many men certainly need chastisement for a foul mouth, which while not as serious on a man as on a woman, is still wrong. He may struggle with lust, which is the primary male temptation. He may also drink or eat too much, or be violent. He may be irresponsible with finances, causing trouble for the family. These are all wrongs, and are behavior which can lead to serious harm. An authority which can set guiderails for a man, maintain those guiderails, and punish him for serious infractions would be a great blessing. I know many men would be grateful, as they know they have a problem. 

Now the obvious difficulty is that few people or institutions will deliver a spanking. A man may have received one growing up from his father, but as an adult he will not. Could he get one from his school? In some regions of the country, it is still possible to spank students through high school, but even then, I don’t get the impression that spankings are commonly used, or very harsh. In university, of course, they would be found nowhere in my country. In the past a man could receive corporal punishment for committing a crime, as the state used it regularly, not just flogging, but the stocks as well. However, with society turning against this form of punishment, this has been done away with for the allegedly more humane — but actually less humane — punishment of prison time. I see nothing wrong with elders at his church, or fellow male church members, delivering punishment as well, if ordinary exhortation and teaching has not been successful. That is one way of loving him and keeping him out of trouble. However, most Christians, even if they accept some limited corporal punishment, would simply demand it stay out of the churches. Today, a man needing a spanking would have a hard time finding one. That is wrong. 

Since there are problems in finding a spanking for an adult, may a man seek out a disciplinarian, just as some women are tempted to do? I see nothing wrong with this approach if it is really the only option. In general, punishment should be dished out by the authorities in society, but if it is necessary to manufacture an authority to accomplish the goal, then that may be the only way. Unlike virtually everyone else in society, a disciplinarian could lay down the rules, and hold a man to them. He could deliver punishment that was undesirable, and a very good motivation to the man needing such correction. Male spanking can be a troublesome topic, since the presentation of male punishment in the BDSM world frequently has homosexual overtones, or homosexual behavior. This is both out-of-place and immoral. Punishment between men needs to remain manly. It should not play up any sexual element, or include any inappropriate touching. It should only include the nudity required to deliver the punishment, and no more. It is a simple a chastisement to better the man who needs it. 

Like other discipline systems, men who are correcting a fellow man are there firstly to tell him when he is truly out of bounds, and tell him what he needs to do to get his act together. They need to be there to teach him to be a better man. They should call out serious sin in his life and call him to repent. Actual punishment from another man should only come if there has already been instruction and exhortation, the problem is continual, and it is clear that punishment is needed. The main goal is always to make clear what the path is, and simply bring him back onto it. Instruction and encouragement need to come first.

Spanking men should also be discernible from spanking women in marriage. It would be inappropriate to do things which are somewhat infantilizing, such as having the man spanked over the knee, or in the diaper position. It should also in general be harsher punishment, since a man is stronger, both mentally and physically. He should show it during his punishment. Using a paddle, cane, or whip would all be more fitting than a hand spanking, and the one punishing him should use more arm strength than you’d use with a woman. The strokes may land elsewhere than the bottom, such as any part of the back which is safe to flog. The man should avoid shedding tears like a woman, since it is not manly, and it is something rather small to cry over. Men cry if a loved one dies, and such. It is weak if he cries when he is spanked. His chastisement needs to respect his dignity as a man, even if it is humbling for the sake of correcting him. He is strong and is a leader. He only bows down to one who is above him in authority, and should not be humbled much beyond this. He is not meant to learn to be soft as a woman, only to be humble and righteous. Kneeling is appropriate to show respect to the man who is correcting him, and has been practiced for centuries to show honor to the one above you. The man being disciplined naturally should show honor due, including in how he speaks to him, in his sincere desire to learn, and in keeling before him. 

A man is strong and rules over his family. He has real authority there. He also needs to show that he respects the authorities which are above him, including his boss, the state, and God. While the stronger sex, he also kneels down and rightly shows honor to the men he is under. Submission to authorities is strength, not just for the woman, who is gentler, but for the man, who is not so strong that he is independent from others. Submission to authority is a part of what makes us a society, a community, a family, a state. The loving relationships we are all to have with one another are also ordered on a hierarchy, and men know that there are ones above them. They are neither a lone individual nor the king of the earth. It suits them and serves them that they too get punished. If a man has no authority in his life who will deliver the chastisement he needs, he may look for a legitimate disciplinarian, one which is safe and non-sexual. A spanking will help him, and it does not make him less of a man. No one is independent of authority, including him.