I would like for others to have what I have. I may not have a flawlessly perfect marriage, but it is wonderful and happy and peaceful. We seek to live out what God teaches us in His Word and do it as a family. I want that for others, and I truly hate to see the destruction, anger, and breaking down of so many marriages, with the children suffering along with it. This appears to be nearly as common among Christians as among non-believers, something truly wicked, since marriage to the Christian is a little picture of salvation. I want everyone to have what is good. Despite the cynicism and mass destruction around you, marriage is wonderful.
When it comes to peace in marriage, I do not need to deal with what many spouses, particularly many men, have to live with. I do not have to listen to criticism and sarcasm from my wife. She does not belittle me or ignore me. She shows me respect. She follows what I tell her to do. I don’t need to play games with a woman who manipulates with her body, and withholds it from me if she is upset. We make love freely and regularly, and we both consider that an obligation. She would never consider withholding that from me.
Nor do I have to try to handle a woman whose mind is on the world, on being glamorous, trendy, sensual, rich, or who flirts with men. My wife has her heart with God and with her husband, and she devotes her energy and life to those things, naturally with her children too. She doesn’t challenge me, or try to make decisions without me. She knows she is within my loving yoke, decisions go through me, and my commands are decisive. She gently offers her thoughts. She respectfully expresses her desires. She does not try to tell me what to do. Nearly any man would recognize that as bliss. She is beautifully submissive, and submissiveness truly is beautiful in a woman.
How does this happen? It does not happen by accident. Granted, there are good traits that she learned as a child. She also has a sincere faith, although it was not nearly as mature when we were married, or as strong. The factors that bring about this harmony include how I as the head of the home lead the home. I give her much credit for her own virtue, but I have also led her in that virtue from the start, and made decisions in the marriage that do not allow it to drift away from the right path.
One of the simplest things is that I spend time regularly with prayer and devotionals with my wife. I am the teacher and leader of them, but my wife participates. I explain the Word of God. I apply it to our lives. I make sure we both study Scripture, practice regular confession, and serve in our own small ways in ministries. We have regular home worship together. We get down on our knees together. We have fellowship with other families that do the same.
I also lead her by showing her she is safe with me and I am her protector. While I do not kick box, or shoot guns, I show her my strength and protection by my lifelong devotion to her. My attention to her needs and some of her desires. By seeing any weaknesses and seeking to help her with them. By being a shoulder to rest on, and listen if she has fears. All of this creates peace and stability in a woman, who are more prone to stress than we are, and more vulnerable to danger. It is often very insecure women who seek to manipulate their men, or at times dominate them, but sometimes it is the men who led those women to be insecure to begin with; they were uncaring, shallow, traitorous, deceptive, and unfaithful themselves. A woman is much less tempted toward rebellion, and toward rising up, if she has peace and someone she can count on, profoundly, every day, for the rest of her life.
I lead my wife by feeding her good things. I feed her spiritually by nurturing good habits. I make sure she is modestly dressed, and dressed like a woman. This is something that stands out in this era in the West, but which would have been normal in a past era. In some crowds it looks strange, but I make sure it is the way in our home and for my wife. Her modest apparel is to reflect her heart. Her feminine apparel reflects her role as a woman, and her softness, her gentle beauty. This helps reinforce who she is, and what God has made her for. I also make sure she has godly women friends from church, and is not around the crowd that ignores half of the Bible and encourage women to behave like men. That doesn’t mean we have no liberal or unbeliever acquaintances, because we do, but her primary influence and community is with other godly women.
My authority is not ambiguous in our home. This helps her greatly in following me, and in experiencing her own softness and submission to me. Men who have an ambiguous kind of headship end up having little headship at all, and their wives do not feel led. Often they have nothing to follow. My wife knows she is led, and experiences my clear guidance regularly. While I may give advice and encouragement, I also set rules and those rules need to be obeyed. They reflect what she needs to do specifically, or how the home needs to be run in general. If she has done something wrong, I promptly tell her. She is daily experiencing my lead, hearing my words, and following me. She is always learning to be soft to her man.
When I see a fire, I put it out. That means when her attitude is rising up, or her behavior is bad, I correct her verbally and I spank her. I punish behavior that I see is harmful, or disrespectful to me, and she learns what behavior to stay away from. She learned early on that a talking to by her husband means something is wrong, she will be soundly spanked, and she will have to learn from it and do better. That is the way I run the household, and I am continually glad that I do. Small fires get put out immediately. Bad habits go away. Things she needed to do but neglected badly get done promptly after our little talks. My wife knows she is under my authority, and her behavior needs to be good. She has learned diligence over time, and often enthusiasm in the things she knows I require her to do. Part of that is the pain of learning what happens when you do not. My wife loves to please me.
Keeping down any fires also includes warnings before the fires appear. I have one short piece on verbal warnings and corrections on this website, and I have to mention them here. Verbal corrections and warnings help immensely in guiding her. This is especially since she has already learned the hard way that my warnings are real and come with something to back them up. While it is not common to have a problem with her mouth, I have given her a few warnings when her language to me began to get disrespectful, and the first thing she did was tone it down or silence it. I let her know when she is getting on dangerous ground. That helps both of us. Things are back to working smoothly. She avoids a spanking.
I lead my wife by showing her regular affection. I hold her, hug her, show her she is deeply loved and valued by her husband. We make love frequently, which helps deepen the spiritual and emotional bond. She experiences my desire for her. She can feel both my power and my tenderness every time. We learn over time just where to touch, and kiss the other, and every peak and valley of the body. I am in control when I take her, she is completely in my hands, and I care for the joy and the pleasure that she experiences with me. I take her satisfaction as a part of my job.
My wife receives regular praise. She know every day that she is treasured and valued. I praise her for her virtue, her godliness, and all of her work. I make sure I tell others how wonderful she is, and how much I value her. I boast of her regularly. My wife knows she is treasured and lifted up by her husband, not just for some great accomplishment she made, but for her character, her godly beauty, and because she is my wife. By virtue of being mine, she knows she will always be cherished.
Life together for man and wife fits perfectly well. We just need to live it the right way, which is God’s way and in harmony with our natures. We are literally designed for each other, and if we don’t know what to do, we’ve got an instruction manual. Realize that much of the broken marriages or angry ones you’ve seen around are simply the result of doing things the wrong way. They are a result of error and of evil. They do not prove there isn’t a right way to have a good marriage, but only prove the terrible consequences when you don’t do things the right way. You see marriage is good. Man and woman are friends. And together it is a wonderful life.
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