It is natural and common after a spanking for husbands to expect their wives to thank them for the correction they’ve just received. This is a simple verbal — thank you, sir — that she can express her gratitude with. You will find that this is the norm in many homes, but also that some don’t require it. The opponents of a verbal thank you insist that it might not be sincere, and that the head of home should only expect a fully sincere expression of thanks. While I understand the importance of sincerity, I believe the verbal thank you can be of help in her submission, and is also appropriate to the situation. Not all of our Thank You’s in life anywhere are sincere, but we say them anyway because we know they are deserved; here too, after a correction and with a sore bottom, a thank you fits the situation and is deserved. A wife may learn more as she learns to say it with full sincerity, but either way it is right to say.
I never used to have my wife give a verbal thanks after she got spanked until I learned from other husbands of its use. Like other practices within the punishment session, it helps set the tone of the correction and reinforces headship and submission. It lets both parties know that the spanking was a help and benefit to the wife, and that the wife should be gracious to receive guidance and correction from her husband. A spanking is aid received. If other kinds of aid warrant graciousness, so does this one.
Of course, she is not only thanking her husband for the correction for that one dangerous behavior, but at the same time, for his daily guidance and leadership of her. She is thanking him for being her head, caring about her behavior, and keeping her on the rails, with his words and actions. Just as a spanking session punishes the offense and also reinforces a woman’s submission, the thank you shows appreciation for the punishment and also for the constant leadership. It reinforces the work the husband does daily, and the submission she must show daily.
Many wives will find it difficult to mouth the words “thank you” after being spanked thoroughly. This is especially true if it has hurt a lot and if there are still tears in her eyes. But it can help her to learn to say it, and know why she says it. Those simple words affirm her man’s place in correcting her, and that she desires to learn from correction. That soreness on her bottom was of benefit. My wife had some trouble saying thank you to me when I first began the tradition, but over time she finds it easier. In part, that is because I take the time to explain what it is for, including reminding her that I take time and effort to teach her, I care about her improvement, and I take time out of my evening to give her thoughtful correction. It is a work revolving around her improvement, and for the good of the whole home. It’s not hard for her to wrap her head around that, so even in the moment when she’s still burning on the behind, she says it much easier today. While it’s fine to make this a requirement after any discipline, for this reason it’s also good to explain what it means and why. That will be a part of her growth.
Some wives are required to say thank you DURING the discipline, not only after. This may be the archetypal: “thank you sir, may I have another” after each stroke of the paddle, or a similar phrase. She may also have to affirm her better behavior after each stroke too. While I have never practiced this in my home, I can see where it also fits in, and reinforces her position and learning from the spanking. Not only does she need to repeat her graciousness with each stroke, but the pain of the spanking and her words go together each time, which communicates her full acceptance and appreciation of his loving guidance. She honors each stroke of the punishment. She affirms it is for a loving purpose with each stroke. This variety of thank you has its own challenges, as it may become harder to speak during the spanking itself, as the pain of each stroke and the tears make it difficult. However, as wives who are required to say it would tell you, they learned to do it, and would have been punished for not learning. It takes self-control, but that’s a good skill to have.
We are used to being gracious for things that bring us pleasure, and are comfortable. That is in our mind and programming. Yet we know that things which amount to suffering can also be for our benefit. We know that just as God refines his saints through challenges, and through punishments, a husband refines his wife as well. Pleasure that caused us to grow comfortable and fall into sin is nothing to be grateful for. Pain that caused us to turn from pride and give up sinful behavior IS something to be grateful for. In God’s economy everything in the lives of His saints is for the good, and so it should be in a husband’s economy as well. His aim and purpose is toward his wife’s growth and protection, and the good of the household. So those moments a wife has to struggle through a spanking, or struggle with not wanting to receive it, are good for her and teach her. If that’s not worth being grateful for, I don’t know what is. It is through suffering, that we gain great rewards.
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