Most spankings in marital discipline are for clear offenses, or at times for training, if training is necessary. Perhaps the clearest are for direct disobedience, or for breaking a household rule. There are, however, some bad behaviors that really can’t be qualified clearly, but need correction anyway. One of the most common is simply having a Bad Attitude. A wife can show a bad attitude, with observable disrespect towards her husband, without yelling at him, insulting him, or being disobedient. She can do it without using foul language. While that attitude can be expressed in numerous ways, it calls for correction by the husband, whether verbally, or with a spanking.
I shy away from encouraging discipline in unclear situations, since there are so many of them, and often they are simple passing mistakes. It’s also possible to misinterpret language, and find something there which isn’t there. Punishing in unclear situations also puts the wife in a position of not knowing for sure what an offense is or is not. However, a wife ought to know that if her husband deserves respect, that a number of actions are very disrespectful, and will lead her down the road of getting in trouble. Even without a clear rule on the matter, enough of a bad attitude becomes very clear, and the disrespect it shows the husband is unmistakable. It’s best we take note of some of the poor behavior that shows such disrespect, while not breaking a specific rule.
The tone of voice can communicate very poor things. It may be haughty, loud, or condescending. While this may happen once in a while in any marriage, if it is ongoing, a wife is clearly venting her anger towards her husband, or looking down on him. It needs to be addressed. Cutting a husband off repeatedly similarly puts her above her husband, and openly disrespects him. Body language, while at times subtle, can be as powerful as words, and can express standoffishness, pride, or a fighting posture. The evil eye expresses hatred and anger as well. The heart attitude, perhaps even without intention, is shining through powerfully through her body language, and showing the wicked attitude within. Wives who use silence to passively express rage at their husbands are perhaps making the boldest attempt at being cruel. Such an act is a petty attempt to get back at someone, and in a sense nullifies them before your eyes. They matter so little they do not deserve a response. Not until they do what you want at least. They need to pay.
Each of these and more are evidence of bad attitude. They manifest a wife’s rotten heart towards her husband. It would not be practical to make rules about every possible communication we make, so often these signs lie outside of the given rules. Yet they break the heart of the rules nonetheless, by being brazen attempts to disrespect, or control the man. They are rotten to the core. A husband should realize that he can punish for such unregulated activities, when they are clear in their meaning, and are repeated misbehaviors. A wife can and should be free from these evils.
Since rules may be lacking regarding them, I always recommend that the first order of business is to correct the wife with words. Let her know you do not appreciate that behavior. Tell her why that is disrespectful. Let her know what you expect instead. Many wives will hear this and understand that they were inching into disrespect. They will check their hearts and return with a better attitude. People may raise their voice, or be standoffish without even thinking about it, or intending harm, as they are at times human instincts. For this reason, gentle guidance is the best. However, if it is continued behavior, and a wife is clearly intending to cause disrespect, and will not listen to words, then she needs to be held to account for her behavior and punished for it. She will listen to your verbal guidance better when she is getting spanked.
I have given spankings for attitude only a few times in my marriage. One was not long ago. My wife had been simply talking back too much, interrupting, and not listening when I gave her a final answer to a matter. Like any other judgment call, it was something I acted on because I saw it occur plenty of times, and I had given my wife reminders before on not speaking this way. A few more steps down the road and it would just be another wife who always talks back to her husband, and has a smart reply to everything. I had seen enough, so I decided to put an end to it. I took her to task with a firm spanking. My wife knew the behavior I was talking about, and she knew it was wrong, but she still tried to talk her way out of the spanking. When she got argumentative in trying to talk out of the spanking, I knew my judgment had been correct, and I’d made the right choice in giving her this session. She had been nurturing a bad attitude inside, and I was going to set it straight right then. I gave her a long corner time to get her heart in the right place, and then I gave her a very long session over my knee, sternly lecturing her on the right way to speak to me. She needed to express her respect and submission many times over during her spanking. I know that she regretted her choices, and she knew those choices led to that long strapping she was enduring. I was pleased to see afterward, as I usually do, that my wife was careful in how she spoke to me, and was sure to be gentle and respectful in her tone. She was paying more attention and correcting herself.
While rules cannot be made for every behavior, there are still strategies that can help a wife avoid having bad attitude towards her husband, however it might be expressed. At heart, for example, if she is making a point to honor him in many ways, it will be less tempting to dishonor him at all, and her mind will not be growing bitter towards him. Show him honor through words daily. Address him with honor. Keep the voice gentle. Show gratitude boldly for what he does. Apologize when you have done wrong, and ask him what you can do for him. Doing right, it seems, is often the best defense against doing wrong. It will help a wife grow in sincere warmth and closeness to her husband.
Some husbands will recognize signs of disrespect, and make rules, even though it is impossible to be comprehensive. I am sure there are household rules which do not allow eye rolling, for example. Refusal to speak may also be prohibited in some homes. For those expressions of bad attitude which are common and easy to spot, there’s nothing wrong with letting a wife know they are forbidden. Yet even if you regulate a few of them, attitude will still be quite a grey area, and you will have to rely on your judgment many times, as I’ve done my best to explain here.
Readers could surely inform me of other subtle ways in which wives communicate disrespect. There will always be a need for discernment in deciding what communicates a bad attitude, and a general air of disrespect. I could not hope to evaluate all of them. In cases in which they speak loud and clear, despite not obviously breaking a rule, and in which gentle verbal correction has been rejected, a wife should surely be turned over the knee for bad attitude. She will be relieved in the long run to be free of that attitude, which was bringing her down and causing conflict, just as it was disrespecting her man. Then she can honor her husband freely, as he does her.
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