You sometimes hear stories in the world of wife spanking about the spanking pastor. This is the one who actually teaches couples to use spanking in their marriage to discipline the wife, and who also possibly spanks his own dear wife. Like other stories, I am usually skeptical of the reality of the story. I consider it a likely piece of fiction, playing well upon the traditional church setting, one in which gender roles are still sometimes upheld, and the firm masculine pastor, who tells it like it is, and is involved in the lives of his whole flock. It just brings spanking, and perhaps marital intimacy into the picture. It is wishful thinking as well among those of us who desire marital discipline to be a normal part of our community.
I don’t write to chide the authors of such stories. I actually write to point out how beneficial it would be if more pastors would teach these truths, and advise their brethren to use discipline in marriage. In a past era, I don’t doubt at all that there were some such pastors. They would have had no problem teaching a young couple a simple truth: if the wife does not obey, give her a spanking. She deserves it. Ladies, if you want to stay out of that trouble, learn to be respectful and submissive, and please your husbands. Today, either there are a vanishingly small number, or we just don’t hear about them. Many pastors have taken on a liberal view of the Bible to begin with. Others may have a more traditional approach to marriage, but have been stockholmed into thinking any kind of wife spanking is wrong, putting it into the “beat your wife” category in a knee jerk way. Those who know the truth are out there. Those who practice spanking are out there. But these ministers are simply too afraid to teach it, because the culture would lash back at them a little too hard.
What if the average couple could hear advice regarding discipline from their pastor? Perhaps not from the pulpit, but in personal ministry in their home, and one-on-one counseling. What if it were indeed taught from the pulpit when the topic was appropriate to the purpose of the sermon? The clear teaching would do several things. Firstly, as I believe is necessary, it would let the brethren know that the man’s authority is real, and that discipline is a normal activity. It is not something to hide in the dark, or to envision with pointy horns and a forked tongue. It is a regular practice that millions of homes use, and that can benefit a marriage greatly. If pastors talk about it, couples will talk about it much more. They will consider it much more often, and try out its benefits. The teaching of a godly pastor can be one part in normalizing a wonderful practice which society disdains.
The teaching of the pastor, or other church ministers, will also help provide guidance for a young couple. It could help them see clearly what its purpose is, and also overcome fears and hesitancy they have. It lets the women know with clarity that her husband’s authority is real and commands need to be obeyed. His headship is not the mild and unenforced kind that so many Christians are indoctrinated to accept. It is the same kind that any authority wields, and should be respected highly. The law breaker should rightly fear punishment. It also will help the wife with her own submission. Since his leadership is the authentic kind, her submission needs to be as well. She prepares herself to work on her softness and femininity. She has an expectation of needing to drop her pride and accept her husband’s will and his rule over her. Real preparation can be done when real roles are established. Teaching discipline then, falls right into place in teaching headship and submission.
Our brothers and sisters do not need to be lied to. Nor do they need the truth hidden from them. Rather than hear the softened, and nearly useless kind of headship they are taught, they should be able to see the real authority in marriage and know its use. A new husband might ask:
“But what can I do if my wife will not obey me?”
A responsible pastor would reply (among other things) with:
“You can punish her if you need to. You are the head of your wife.”
The man naturally responds: “How can I punish her?”
A fair reply will be: “Many husbands find it successful to put her over your knee, and spank her good and hard. Do that if you need to.”
It’s really simple, and that kind of forthrightness would help countless marriages. Naturally there will be other questions. Naturally there are other insights into the situation, but here are the words nearly everyone thinks are illegal:
“Give her a good strapping and she will have to learn the lesson.”
The pastor is also commonly a man that both husband and wife will allow to get involved in their lives, and speak with them about a variety of private matters. His input or instructions are more likely to be ones they listen to. They feel free to ask questions. They listen more to him than to their friends, although any Christian ought to take the words of their brothers and sisters seriously as well. It is the words of the pastor they cherish, and feel a certain honor to hear one on one and in private. They can open up to him.
The husband also benefits from a pastor teaching him to discipline his wife. Not only does it let him know his right and responsibility to do so, but it helps establish his leadership more broadly. He will be taught in how to order the home life, in what standards are good ones to set in the home, in what areas wives need most to be kept in line, in what rules generally help the marriage life, in being able to be firm and consistent with his wife. There is a great deal in leading the home besides spanking a woman’s bottom from time to time. Yet the counseling in discipline naturally leads to the instruction in overall leadership, in being the benevolent, and sacrificial Christ-figure of the home. He rules over all, and rules for the good.
The pastor’s wife, who may be a spanked woman herself, can offer unique help to a young woman who will marry soon. She can offer teaching by experience in this area as she does in others. She can both teach by her words and show by her life what the message is. She teaches young women what it takes to learn submission, to attain that quiet of soul a biblical wife has. She teaches to learn humility, and how to accept her husband’s will. She can share experiences of being spanked, if it is the pastor’s way with her. A young wife, even one who greatly desires to be submissive, can naturally have fears, and many questions. The trust the elder wife has learned, she can pass on to this young woman in the flock. There is a trust in the husband to rule, even when he is not perfect. There is a trust in God being over their marriage and in their souls, one which will guide them, when life provides no certainties, and so many things seem they can go wrong. A woman of God is the best person to teach this to a another woman. It is best in a personal, and private way.
Is it appropriate for a pastor to teach husbands to discipline their wives? If it’s true, and it is appropriate for the teaching he is giving, then yes. He can do so. I’m not saying he will, but he certainly can. It would be deceptive to hide a part of marriage under the covers, and a pastor needs to be a man of truth. The spanking of wives may not be a specific command of Scripture, and is not a dogma, but neither is much of what ministers teach elsewhere. Much teaching amounts to good ways of achieving the goals that God wants us to achieve. It amounts to things which HELP us to do God’s will. If a pastor can teach husbands to spend quality time with their wives — which the Bible never says you have to do — then he can also teach husbands to discipline their wives. Both teachings relate to helping marriage, and marriage IS essential and it is godly and it provides our future.
Teaching by ministers has one final benefit — it places teaching on discipline in the context of fulfilling God’s purposes for us. It puts the young husband or wife in the place to see discipline as part of serving the Lord, just as marriage as a whole is. Any responsibility we take on should be bound to God’s Kingdom and never apart from Him. A mere spanking website, or spanking friend do not do this. A minister who is prepared to teach a way of life rooted in Scripture DOES. The man knows this is only a tool in his godly leading of his household. A woman knows it merely facilitates her growth as a gentle helper of her husband, one which witnesses the gentle nature of God’s redeemed people. Spanking is not a fetish. It is not a kink. It can never be taken apart from the plan God has for His people on this earth. The spanking pastor knows this. He is in the right place to teach.
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