Part of your work as a leader in applying discipline is to help your wife see her responsibility for her wrongs. When she knows her responsibility, and ceases making excuses, is when she will benefit most from your correction, be it a verbal, or spanking correction. You need to communicate not just what she did wrong, but be able to see through any excuses and help her see through them too. As I teach elsewhere, you don’t need to waste your time debating with your wife, but you should be able to answer any questions she has, and also help her see clearly by asking questions of your own. If her behavior disobeyed her husband, broke the rules, caused harm, she needs to see that. Her understanding will aid her in sincere remorse, and she will learn better from your words, while her bottom is being reddened later.
A few of the most common excuses should be laid to rest. A wife trying to avoid culpability might go to them almost automatically, without thinking, but you need to steer her to the truth. One of the first attempts you will hear is this: but I didn’t know that was what you wanted. In every case I have heard this excuse from my wife, it was not true. She DID know what I wanted. You need to remind her that she knows the rules, and it is her own responsibility if she ignored them. It is often most effective to have her admit her own responsibility by asking questions. Ask her: didn’t I tell you that I needed you to do this? Didn’t I remind you last week it had to be done? Then you knew what I expected, correct? Often I have found questions like these put an end to my wife’s excuses very quickly. She has to say, from her own mouth, she knew and she chose to ignore my will. She’s just reminded herself she has earned what is coming. Her desire to convince you otherwise starts to dissolve.
Another attempt to avoid responsibility is similar: it is to claim ignorance by lack of having ENOUGH information to do something. She just didn’t have every last detail of how you wished something done, and that excuses her ignoring what you told her. You need to point out the faulty logic in this thinking — just because you didn’t know all the details doesn’t mean you were incapable of doing it. Any details you could have asked me while you were in the process of doing it. Here you again return to the questions, and ask her: Did I tell you to do this or not? Did you know I expected it? Did you need very detail in order to do it? She understands the logic as well, and it will help her to see her own guilt in her actions. She chose to ignore your words, and she is responsible.
You wife may also try and look less responsible, and less in need of punishment, by minimizing the wrong. How much harm did it cause anyway? Wasn’t it just a small thing? While I hope you do not overly regulate your home and your wife, minimizing an evil is a common and poor excuse for doing evil. You help her see that. You explain that disobedience is always wrong. Disrespect is always wrong. Minimizing the harm of breaking the law very rarely passes muster with a judge and a jury. There is a law and punishment for a reason. Likewise, minimizing the harm should not hold any power with you. Is it acceptable to disobey your man? Is it acceptable to ignore what your husband told you to do? Is it submissive to disrespect me? She should know the answers to those questions. Remind her also about the long-term harm caused by bad behavior, so she doesn’t fall into the trap of thinking it is harmless because she does not see drastic short-term effects. The long-term effect, and the overall effect for society, is harm to families, and to marriages, and to children. That’s why you have order and discipline in the home. Moreover, bad behavior often results in terrible short-term harm, even if it does not occur every time. There is the great risk of it. She ought to admit to some of that, and fully acknowledge it before she goes over your knee. Her behavior is wrong and harmful. That is why she’s being punished.
Another common attempt to deny responsibility, and with it your right to punish her, is to claim she was just unable to do what you said. It was simply impossible. There may in fact be instances where a task is impossible, but in my experience that is very rare. It is her responsibility to do it, and her responsibility to make the time and use the available resources to do what you command. Very rarely would your boss at work accept an — I was just too busy — excuse. Besides, it a true impossibility presented itself, she could have come to you at the time, explained the impossibility, and asked for more time, or for extra help in doing it. But she never did that. That’s why most often this form of avoidance is just another excuse. She didn’t WANT to do what you said, and she put it off repeatedly. She made a willful choice to ignore her lord. That is wrong.
As I have explained above, you should assure that she sees she has made a choice, and she made a bad choice. I have heard this on a few occasions from my wife, and it was always a weak excuses. I ask her: Didn’t I tell you this needed to be done? Didn’t you have all week to do it? If you needed something, couldn’t you have asked me before? Did you choose not to do what your man told you to do? Was it really impossible? And to that last question, she has always answered — No. Of course it was not impossible. She sees now she is just making excuses, and making it look harder than it was. She doesn’t WANT to admit guilt, and she doesn’t want to be spanked. Admitting she made that choice will help her learn the lesson you’re going to give her. It will help her receive the correction she’ll be going through soon. When she’s lying over your lap feeling the strap rain continually, she will know she put herself there. She wishes that she didn’t.
I always save some questions for the discipline time itself. I believe that time is for verbal learning and not just getting spanked. She will have to admit her responsibility while she’s bare and over my knee. In most session, I will ask her during the spanking: Was it a good choice to ignore my will? Do you wish you had done things differently? How will you do things in the future? I also review the harm her behavior can cause while she is bottoms up. The harm caused by her act is being presented to her in a small way that very moment — by the pain of the strap raining down. Another time, when my wife had committed serious sin, I asked her before the spanking — did your choice make things better, or make things worse? It made things worse, sir, she answered. Then she immediately bent over and got to feel the consequences. Your wife should be thinking in the moment about wanting to do things differently. She should want this not to happen again, and want to do things better the next time. She should feel shame for her behavior, and for her guilt. She knows her need to be restored, because she knows she has put a stain on herself. All of this you can help her go through, most fruitfully, if you aid her in seeing she was responsible.
Remember, your wife is not only trying to dodge getting spanked. She is trying to dodge her own responsibility. That is at the core. It is a natural instinct in fallen mankind. We refuse to look at our wrong. We shove it off onto some other person, or some situation beyond our control. We try to make a matter look more complicated than it is, to make things look impossible for us. We had no choice. We were just doing what anyone else would do. The list of excuses are endless, but they are all similar. The responsibility must go somewhere else, and not on our own will, on our own person. This is what a lady is trying to do. She is going to fail. You are helping her in her ability to see clearly. Point continuously and repeatedly to her responsibility and her willful choice. Most of the time she will see it. Most of the time she’ll be able to admit with her own lips of her wrong. Even if she does not, it is your job to give her any punishment she has earned. At the minimum, she will still learn to avoid the bad behavior, and to respect your authority. The ideal is her full understanding, but less than the ideal still works. A spanked wife learns a good lesson about her behavior.
Be ready for this before any discipline session. Not only should you be prepared to shine a light on your wife’s bad choice, and reject her excuses, but you should be ready to help her see regardless of how she responds. She may accept that she earned her punishment, but your words still matter in helping her see that fully, and in helping her grow from her correction. Point towards her choice. Point toward what motivated that choice. Point to the harm it causes, and can cause in the future. On a practical level this is where a waiting period before the punishment can help, as well as corner time before discipline. It gives her the chance to dwell on what she has done and what is coming. In the end, she should be eager to learn better submission and do better next time. She should be eager to show you her obedience, and to be restored. She wants to be a better wife. Make sure she can acknowledge her guilt in her own words, and ask her questions that will guide her in saying this. You teach her, and you help her realize it within her soul.
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