I introduced discipline into my marriage from the start. That means I explained discipline to her before marriage and while we were still going out. I wouldn’t have had it any other way. It was important for us to discuss the nature of marriage, and we were both agreed on the man’s role as the leader, and the wife’s submission to him. In these conversations, it is natural to discuss that that means in practice, and my wife sensibly asked what I would do if she did not go along with my decisions or obey me.
Since I had practiced discipline long before we met, it was easy for me to answer that question. I told her this: This is the way I do things. If you disrespect or disobey your husband, I will give you consequences for it. She asked me what kind of consequences of course. I told her, I will punish you. I will put you over my knee, and spank you. As a woman who had never been spanked before, not even as a child, it took a little while for this to process. She asked me, you mean like you do with a child. I said, Kind of like that, but more like what you do with an adult. I will give you spankings for bad behavior and you should learn a lesson from it. I also explained to her a few of the details. I assured her I had done it many times in the past. I let her know a spanking will definitely hurt, but it will not cause injury. I am self-controlled and know what I’m doing. I also told her how effective I found them to be and that they help in fixing a woman’s bad behavior. That is how I run the household, I told her.
Fast forward to her first spanking, which I believe as for either lateness or rudeness. I told her she was going to be punished for her previous behavior. I took her to the room with me and had her undo my belt and hand it to me, something she was a little confused by at first since she’d never been spanked. Then she needed to bare herself waist down and put herself over the end of the bed. I gave her a talk about her behavior and a strapping with the belt, giving her the first taste of being chastised. She was crying from early on, and apologetic for her behavior. I think afterward she said words that still amuse me, I can’t believe I just got whipped.
It might not be so easy for you to introduce discipline in marriage, but it is not as difficult as you think. Many people are at least curious about it. Others really desire it, although they may not talk about their desire because the culture deems it shameful. The ideal time to introduce discipline is while you are talking about marriage with your future husband or wife. I have talked to many who introduced it later in their marriage, and that’s fine, but I think it will be more difficult then. Some introduce spanking during a time they have had real attitude problems with their wife, and find spanking is the only thing that really helps settle her down. I say why not be prepared from the start. Make it a part of your marriage understanding. It becomes more of a gamble later. You should both know going into marriage that the wife can be spanked for bad behavior.
When discussing your discipline system, you should root it in the overall framework of authority in marriage. The man is the head. The woman is to obey him. He will naturally have a method of discipline to deal with correcting her behavior, and this method can include spanking. You should know that punishing his wife simply fits in with his loving leadership, oversight of the household, and protection of his wife. It is not a game. It is not an excuse to cause pain. It is corrective discipline by the person who cares for your good and is responsible for you. Like I found in my conversation, you will see that a discussion of leadership will naturally include questions about what happens if the wife does not obey. This naturally leads to exploring a discipline system, consequences, and spanking. The conversations are naturally connected.
It seems women find it a little harder to introduce than men. In part that is because they recognize their submissive role, and understand they cannot tell me how to lead them, or tell them how to use discipline. That itself would be contrary to submission. Women find themselves with a man uninterested in discipline, and not even taking the lead very much, and can’t figure out how to get them started with it. There is no tried and true method, and some men just are not interested, but do what you can from the womanly position in a gentle, respectful way. You can let him know your need to be lead firmly, and to be punished for wrongs. You can tell him why you desire it and the reasons you believe it is helpful. Finding good material on the subject will help. That can be a challenge as there is much dodgy literature out there, but good articles by those who practice discipline could help him understand why people practice it as well as feel comfortable with how it’s done.
Be careful, a man might possibly be offended that you suggest this, as it sounds like you think he isn’t doing a good job without it. Simply assure him you love how he behaves as a husband, but you simply want him to try this also, out of the need you have or its helpfulness. Let him know you need clear and strong correction sometimes. There are good testimonies out there by couples whom discipline has helped, and you could show him these as well. Ultimately it’s up to him. A man really has to wrap his head around not just spanking, but if he hasn’t learned already, headship in general. It always takes some humility and an open mind to be willing to learn new things. You’ve got to know that you don’t know it all. Realize it can take him time to grasp what discipline is all about. If he is willing to learn, then be very grateful and help him out with your cooperation.
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