Most of what I write is aimed toward the head of the home, who is the man. Here I want to engage a common difficulty for women: that is how do they get their man to start spanking them. I talk on this topic from both ends in my piece on bringing discipline into your marriage, but I’d like to spend some time just on the difficulty for women. How to attract their men to discipline, and also to do so in a submissive way, without sounding like they demand it, or just have to get it. The dynamic is a little different for women bringing up the need, than it is for men, because women are women, and they are the submissive partners.
I take much of this discussion straight from several sources — Firstly from how women I knew approached me with the idea. Secondly, from my own experience of what men like and don’t like to hear. And thirdly, from much advice already online from women, who brought the topic to their husband’s attention, and found him willing to at least give it a try. Like much of what I write, I don’t mean to be comprehensive, but I think there are several main strategies to use. I also think it is important to remember that there is no way to truly get him to do it, but only to suggest it to him, and make it meaningful and attractive to him. There is a decent chance it will fail, simply because he does not wish to, even if you have done your best.
How can the woman who really desires to be spanked approach her husband with the idea? This might be a woman who knows she needs the discipline of spanking, and to be kept in line. It could be a woman who finds an appeal in the deep sense of submission, and how spanking will help her to grow in submission and be soft to her husband. It might be one who simply sees it will help her leave behind harmful habits. She can and should approach her husband with her desire, and with an honest will to show him what is good about the practice. She should be prepared to explain her needs. She should be patient with him as well, as not all men will be able to wrap their heads around it, or grasp the depth of it, overnight. She also needs to be able to make suggestions in a truly submissive way, without telling him what to do, or sounding pushy, or manipulative. She simply want to make her needs known, and be willing to explain.
I believe the most obvious time to bring up the subject of discipline, and of spankings, is during a discussion of the marital relationship of headship and submission. This is true of both man and woman. It naturally offers some entrance ways into this topic. A discussion of marital headship can lead to the question of what to do when the wife does not follow her husband. This is your chance, if your man does not himself bring up discipline, to suggest that when you don’t obey that you think he could punish you. True, it may not be easy to say. Some women would be afraid their men would be shocked. But you need to bring it up sometime and this is a great opportunity. Let him know that when you have trouble with respect and submitting to him, you can use his strong leadership, including that he discipline you. If you have not been explicit already, he may ask exactly what kind of discipline, or punishment would help you. that’s your chance to explain that you want to be spanked when you get out of line. You could bring up that you have communicated online with women who have found that spanking helped them in their behavior, and you think it would help you a lot.
You can also bring up the topic just as advantageously when you have done something wrong, and upset your husband or your fiance. He may point this out to you, and express his displeasure. You can let him know — I think it would help if you punished me when I acted that way. I once had a woman say nearly those exact words to me — and I’d been planning to bring it up anyway — and her suggestion led to her very soon discipline over my knee. It was her first. I’m not suggesting it will be that easy, but it is an opportune time, since your poor behavior is in the spotlight and he is already displeased. Perhaps he’s wondering what to do about it. If he does not know what you mean when you tell him you need to be punished, that’s the time for you to express your desire to be spanked.
If your husband is one to already do some amount of erotic spanking — even if it’s just his hand smacking your butt a lot in bed — that is a good jumping off point as well. More people are tolerant of and understanding of spanking’s erotic form. You can let him know, not long after he spanks you in bed, that you might need it other times as well. If he’s already seen attraction to spanking, you can ask him what he finds attractive, and why he likes it. That’s your chance to explain why you like it and why you think you need it other times too and what it can do for you. Never let a good time in the bedroom go to waste.
When your man sees you are serious about wanting to be spanked, unless he already has a personal desire himself, he may still have many questions, some objections, and some confusion about its purpose. Be patient in explaining and do your best. Like others, your man might think that spanking is for children, and that it’s oddball for an adult to need a spanking. He may think you do a fine job marriage already, so why would you need to be spanked to do a better job. As trained by the culture, he may have learned that spanking for discipline is “abuse” and think it demeans you somehow. Many Christians today think that if they are not acting as tender as that sweet 2nd-grade teacher they had, they’re not being Christian enough. Be prepared to deal patiently with each of these concerns and more. You cannot make someone desire a thing, but you can help remove obstacles from before their eyes. That way they see it more clearly.
Above anything, a man who is not acquainted with discipline spankings simply may not see their purpose. Even if they seem attractive on some level, it may seem in his mind either like sex play or a mere outlet when he is upset with you. Yet either one of these ideas is a distortion. Like I say elsewhere, and I can’t emphasize this point enough, he’s got to really see his role as leader and all it entails. He’s got to see the fact that as leader he provides you rules and has authority over you daily. All of this out of love and for your good and protection. If he sees this broader picture, and embraces his role as authority, spanking will fit in better in its rightful purpose — which is keeping you from stepping out of bounds, and keeping you in your rightful place. That doesn’t mean he will desire spanking, but it will give him the right perspective from which to analyze and see its usefulness.
Naturally, you don’t have to do all the talking yourself, as there is plenty of material on wife spanking available online. In fact, if you did too much talking, it may end up as an argument, or sound like nagging. Sometimes it is better for him to learn on his own, and from someone other that you. Connect him with good material by spanking husbands which describes how they do things, as well as testimonies from wives on how it benefits them. He may even speak with some husbands personally if he desires to learn more. There is a great deal of variety in the domestic discipline material out there, and it comes in varying qualities, but sort through it and find something you think would be edifying for him to read. Seeing material which represents some variety in discipline isn’t necessarily bad either, so he can see there isn’t a formula for how to do things, but rather a set of guiding principles to follow.
If your husband is willing to begin disciplining you, you should do your part to help him see its good and its effect on you. Let him see your submissiveness, and the ease with which a spanking leads you to deeper gentleness toward him and softness. Let him see by your bettered behavior that his work is helpful to you. Let him see how his rules, and his correction of you, are guiding you well. Likewise, don’t be afraid to show him that his correction leads you to a deeper desire for sexual submission, as it does many women. You should be showing him that all the time, of course, but it is deepened and often devotion is made more strong, by a firm spanking. Leave any intimacy after a spanking up to him, but let him know you belong to him sexually and desire to fully please him. Seeing the ease with which things work through discipline, seeing the ease with which you follow him after a spanking, is a sign to your husband that this is working. It’s not only for you, it’s for the marriage and the home. Make it easy for him by letting his correction benefit you.
Women have a unique challenge in seeking out what they desire — which is that they do not do it from an authority position. They do it from a position under their husband. Any woman who is accustomed to this, and comfortable with it, will be able to still approach the subject and ask their husbands for what they desire — they simply do it with gentleness, and while showing a high respect for him. They do it by ultimately respecting his decision too. Some simple asking and explaining can accomplish this goal. So will asking him about his desires, and how he sees it. So as not to be ever present in the discussion, leaving him with material to read will also help in gentle encouraging your husband to give it a try. As you will hear from others — be careful what you wish for. A spanking is not easy to take. It is humbling and it hurts. Being refined is a process, and will take work and discipline on your part, and biting down on your ego. If your man runs with the idea, be ready to be trained, and for some things in your life to change. You will have to spend a little time in the fire to be made a better woman.
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