[This is a guest article by our reader Sophia. She describes an early punishment in her marriage, which despite her interest in being disciplined, is very challenging to her. What stands out for me, and I think readers can gain from, is her humility, and deep appreciation of her husband. Even women who desire to be spanked can have an internal resistance, but it is humility and trust in their husbands that gets many of them through it. I hope you find it deeply rewarding.]
I have worked very hard to create an honest account of my experience of my husband’s correction of me and my sinful actions which made the spanking necessary. I send this with my husband’s blessing and full knowledge, so that you may better serve others who are coming into the light of God, discovering how discipline fosters peace and harmony between a man and his wife.
First, you need to know I would never directly defy Greg. I love him too much, and I respect his divine authority over me within our marriage. Pleasing him genuinely fills my heart, and I strive to make him happy each and every day. Even though I truly wanted discipline to be a part of our marriage, I never thought he would have a reason. In my ignorance, I thought I would only be spanked if he agreed to “maintenance” spankings, which I fairly begged him for. I saw it as a ritual that would reinforce our roles. He as the strong leader, me as his willing and enthusiastically submissive bride. In my fantasies, I never factored in feeling so humbled and raw as I did when he punished me. I didn’t think I would ever need to admit to my dear husband that I’d done anything wrong. I mean, I know I’m not perfect, but my heart is full of pure intentions. I’ve embraced my femininity so fully, longing and praying to be under the firm guidance of a strong man, fervently imagining the feel of his strap on my bared bottom, willing it to happen, sure that the stinging pain would help me connect with my best self, that it was a surprise to discover how overinflated my ego had become. Perhaps I had absorbed more of the modern feminist culture than I realized. I did, in fact, need to be taken down a peg or two, whether I wanted to be or not. And I was humbled. Greg saw to that.
But when my beloved husband first announced his intention to spank me, I felt a flare of rebellion for the first time in our marriage. This wasn’t how I imagined it at all – I hadn’t done anything wrong! How dare he tell me I had? I just wanted to make myself pretty for him! Where was the crime in that? Where was my perfect, romantic moment where he confessed that he loved me more than he could bear, and would agree to spank me only because he was overcome with passion and my bottom was too luscious not to spank good and hard? As with lovemaking, he’d spank me because he just couldn’t help himself. He was overcome, taken in by my charms, and he would overpower me to claim me for himself and none other. I’d do well to let him have his way with me and hang on for the ride. I pictured myself thrilled afterward, if a little ragged and sore, loved hard by a strong, sweaty man. Really, I had given it too much thought. But of course, when the moment came, I wasn’t in charge. I wasn’t meant to be. That was the first prong of my lesson. Even though I badly wanted this, I wasn’t to be the one steering the ship. There would be turns I hadn’t anticipated and wouldn’t like. My husband was in charge, and I would be bent to his mighty will. In the end, despite my protests, this was in fact exactly what I had always wanted. I thank God Greg was man enough to give me the hard spanking I deserved.
The second prong of my lesson was of course the pain and humbling of the spanking itself. I was still mentally processing my busted fantasy and my utter lack of power in this new situation (my husband is far stronger than me, so there was no way I was getting out of whatever he thought I had coming). I was also feeling childishly wronged. It was so unfair to blame me for taking too long to get ready! I can’t help it that I’m a woman! He likes my long hair and lip gloss and pretty dresses! I dress up for him! Now he’s punishing me for this? I felt this overwhelming need to explain myself to him – if he would just listen, he would understand – but he wasn’t having any of it. I really didn’t like having the tables turned on me right before what was supposed to have been a beautiful expression of my love for him. I was supposed to be lovingly offering up my pain to him as a sacrifice for the good of our marriage, not being unfairly punished for something that wasn’t my fault. I felt rebellious and angry and hurt, and I let him know he was just plain wrong to do this. That’s when he grabbed me by the arm and marched me into his study. I was still trying to stop this, or at least slow down the process, arguing with him and trying to squirm out of his grasp so I could face him properly when he pushed me down hard over the top of his desk. He had my bottom bared in two seconds flat. The shock of him manhandling me like that and then being stripped half-naked so suddenly was enough to convince me to close my mouth. We were past the point where I could convince him otherwise, if there ever had been such a time. I felt vulnerable and suddenly very frightened. Bare skin can’t fight back. I knew my husband loved me, but this was new territory for us both and I had no idea what to expect. The only thing I knew with perfect clarity was that my man was in charge.
I’ve imagined it so many times, that it’s hard to explain how profoundly terrified I was to hear him unbuckle his belt. I loved this man so much, and remembered how gorgeous he looked in his dress shirt and tie in church this morning, and now he was taking off his belt, not to make love to me, but to whip me with it. And there was nothing I could do about it. The spanking he gave me really was profoundly painful, even though I knew he wasn’t truly hurting me. Not being able to escape and feeling the unbearable stings rain down is very humbling. I was at his mercy. I began to cry almost immediately, and really couldn’t focus on what he was saying. He knew I wasn’t listening, so he eventually slowed down to lecture me or ask me questions between spanks. As I apologized, and called him sir, and begged for his forgiveness, I heard his voice soften a bit. He told me he loved me and that he knew I would learn to do better. He even rubbed my back a little bit at one point when I told him I couldn’t take it anymore. Of course, he went right back to it after allowing me that small break. He ended with a round of rapid fire spanks that I will not soon forget. When I knew it was over, I crumpled into a ball on the floor. With extreme tenderness, he carried me to our bed and held me while I cried. I was utterly flattened by the pain in my bottom, confused by the whole turn of events, embarrassed by my punishment, and exhausted by my tears. I didn’t get out of bed the rest of the day, and Greg allowed me that kindness.
When he came home from work the following day, the third prong of my punishment came into play as my husband made me recount what I had done wrong and how I would improve. I suppose in the future, I’ll have to do that right after my spanking, but I was so overwhelmed at the time that I’m very grateful Greg gave me the time and space to compose myself so I could respond properly. I’m not sure that I would have been as open to admitting wrong without the powerfully humbling experience of being spanked hard by my man. Whipped, really. Being punished hard and knowing there’s nothing you can do to get out of it just puts you in a different state of mind spiritually. It was made painfully clear to me that I’m not in control. My husband is and always will be. I followed him into his study so we could have our serious talk, and I took it upon myself to kneel before him when he sat on the loveseat. I know he liked that, because he smiled and reached out to touch my cheek. As best I could, I explained what I had come to understand. Though it was not my intention to defy his word, that’s exactly what I did when I failed to be ready on time as he’d instructed me. Even after he had a serious talk with me, I failed to make any real changes in my routine or to begin getting ready any earlier. Even worse, I was demonstrating through my actions that my appearance was more important than worshiping God. This showed a shameful level of disrespect to my husband and to God, and as such, my punishment was richly deserved. I cried again as I thanked him for his patience and loving oversight of my soul. I promised to do better and make him proud.
I do feel purified, as you say. Cleansed and loved. The last thing in the world I want is to be spanked by my husband again. It was very, very hard to endure. But now that he’s done it once, I know he will again. I also know I’ll deserve it and be made better by his hand. I will pray for the strength when the time comes.
To my dear husband, Greg, thank you for leading me with such amazing strength and love. I am so fortunate to be molded by your hands. Thank you for allowing me to process my feelings through the writing of this letter. It has helped me to see my sins and the light of your forgiveness even more clearly. Thank you for the patience you’ve shown me as I have wrestled with the contradictory feelings in my heart – genuine fear at the thought of another spanking, the uncomfortable knowledge that I sorely deserved this one, and overwhelming, passionate love for the man who spanked me so hard that I wept. I have felt raw and very humbled, but I never doubted that I was safe in your care. I continue to marvel at the mysteries God wove into marriage, and I thank Him for you every day.
With humility, Sophia
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