For many couples the introduction to a man’s headship and a wife’s submission is not a religious belief, or even a website like this. Their discovery of spanking may not be from a “fetish site” or a popular film. Rather countless men and women realize the reality of the marital interplay of masculine and feminine through sex. No matter what worldview they’ve been trained in or adopted, they experience male power in sex. No matter how many times she’s been told it’s wrong, a woman may first long for her husband to command her through what they do in bed, or through her own fantasies of the same. She longs for him to tell her what to do, and hold her down. The strength and yielding present in heated sex are enough to get nearly anyone headed in the right direction when it comes to understanding gender roles in marriage. Our very bodies are built for it. Our minds are designed uniquely for their masculine and feminine role as well. Sex is a teaching tool in being a man or a woman. You should use it that way.
Even the simple act of spanking can be learned in the sheets. Not hard to find is the man who almost without thinking finds a woman’s bottom so lovely it needed a strike or two. Then it needed three or four more to show her who’s in charge. Then a couple more on each side to really drive her in bed, and make her yours. A woman is not ignorant of this either. Her submissive roles has not been forced upon her by real mean oppressive barbarians over history. Rather it’s a part of her. She herself can discover it nearly the same way a man does, when the sting of his hand becomes something that is surprisingly not scary — rather electrifying. It doesn’t just burn the skin, but makes her soft inside, totally given up to him, cleansed of all barriers and completely in his hands. There is a moment of fright. But it disappears in the bright light of passion and longing. His power breaks her down. It destroys her resistance and she loves it Virtually the entire marital order is replayed in bed — like a painting of it, or an opera, or a song telling the story of love.
This is why sex is a training tool beyond others in establishing the order between man and wife. That’s why I cannot encourage you more strongly to use it that way. Be aware of what it teaches. How it enlightens both partners to who they are. Men will find that leading their wife to submit in the marriage bed cuts through her resistance to submission, and bears fruit daily. They will find their wife more at peace, and more submissive after sex, just as they are after a spanking. The intellectual barriers that contemporary women have to submitting to their husbands are just blown away as they submit their bodies in bed. As their body learns to submit, and their heart learns to submit, so does their intellect and their actions. It is sex that reaches through to the soul most directly and may be the best of teachers.
Men should make sure their wives regularly submit sexually. I’ve written on how to do this through commands and through oral training, but I speak now more broadly about making love. She should be giving you her body regularly, and learning to respond to you in bed. Along with learning to go down to her knees at your words, she should be open wide to you, taken regularly on her back, and on her knees. She should know her sex is your possession. You own it. You desire it. You know what to do with it. She should feel your power over her as you make love to her and take her as you wish. She can still feel you rock hard inside of her the next day, smell you, and taste you. She’s your woman and she knows it.
What I speak of power in bed, of course I don’t only speak of holding her down and taking her hard. I don’t only speak about riding her until she’s sore. You also show your command over her with your intimate knowledge of her body. The attention you give it. Your desire to caress every spot on her soft skin, as if she were one continual, undulating erogenous zone. Knowing her body, and knowing how to give her pleasure, shows your own mastery of her. She lets go to you. She gives up anything she is holding back. She longs to be clay in your hands, as your fingers make her lose control. To be the foamy seas parted by the blows of your heavy ship. You are the musician playing her delicately and sweetly as an instrument, and that makes her become one with you.
Any wife should enjoy time fully in her man’s hands. He should lie her back, undress her, and give her a long working over with his hands, his lips, and his tongue. She should not have a care in the world, but to enjoy her man’s touch, and to be adored from top to bottom. Just as a man tells his wife he loves her, desires her, treasures her, he also shows her that same love he has by taking her to the top of the world, by wanting her to have all the delight she can. Every inch of her body, inside and outside, is his desire, and all his attention is on her. His piercing aim is to take her further. He will stop at nothing to lift her up to shuddering peaks of pleasure.
You should vocalize to your woman what you want her to do. Tell her where to go and how to move. She will learn to respond with gladness. Likewise, tell her what you plan to do with her body play by play. Be explicit. There are many readers who know exactly what I mean, but there are those who do not. Something as simple as — “get on your knees and put your butt in the air” — is a start. So is — “take this top off.” Or — “open your lips and take my cock in your mouth . . . Open wide for your man.” Tell her who she belongs to, who her body belongs to, who her sex belongs to, who her mouth belongs to, and enjoy every part of her. Just as you daily lead your wife with words and correct her with words, you also use words powerfully in bed. She will come to know them as a part of her guidance, and they will touch on her inner being. She will follow you naturally.
There is a time and a place to speak of intimate things. They are special, and private domains. You have every right to in bed. In contrast, the contemporary society believes that vulgarities and sex talk is for anywhere they want; it’s for the airwaves, for the street, for television, for casual conversation — and in doing so it pollutes the entire world with its filth. It makes all society soak in lewdness. It brings the sexual element into environments and relations it does not belong, such as friendships, the workplace, or the public park. But what is wicked when treated as a common thing and in public, can be normal and good in bed. There is a right time and place to speak of what men and women do together, and this is it. People only bring intimate language to the public sector for pride, for thrills, for profit. They don’t belong there, and they cause harm when they are.
This of course is basically how sin works. A man who has been given everything — blessings, knowledge, pleasure — decides it’s not enough. He doesn’t feel like he’s man enough with all his blessings, so he goes and breaks the law just to feel more important. It’s pride. Adam had everything he needed in the Garden, including the tree of life to eat from. Yet receiving from God was not enough. He had to try and take the place of God by doing what is forbidden. That’s how sin works. It’s kind of like a rich son, who has education, love, and material resources in the grand home of his parents. He is very wealthy. Yet at night he dons a mask, climbs out the window, breaks into people’s homes, and steals property of far less worth. Why would a sane person do that? For the pride. Because it makes them feel big. It gives them cheap thrills. The same is true of using words of sexual language. God has given us a right place for sex — the marriage bed — and a right time so speak of marital intimacy. But man has to go look for something cheap, and treat is like it’s cheap, but parading sex around town. He takes something valuable, and replaces it with something common, or wicked. Such is the corrupt nature of man, and why we need redemption.
A woman hearing your words in bed, whether tender, sexual, or commanding, is more willing to respond than at other times. Often she yearns to respond. Those words are the keys to her inner being. A woman who almost immediately wants to say “no” on a daily basis, finds she responds with “yes, yes, yes.” Her soul is warmed to hear her man tell her what to do. To tell her — take off your top. Strip. Turn around. Open your lips. Take it now. She shudders in softness where otherwise she might feel cold, or resistant to you. She practices the most diligent obedience naked in bed, and gives herself to you to do what you wish. Train her there. A woman who can’t stand being told what to do, who loves to say — I’m not your property — will cry with excitement and cling to you when you tell her — you belong to me girl, and smack her hard. Put her to good, dutiful service between the sheets and you will find rewards in every coming day.
Not only does a woman love to hear you tell her what to do, and handle her strongly like a man, she loves knowing she is your desire. She’s NOT autonomous from you. She’s not a rebel people. She is that deep beautiful glow you see on the horizon as you sail off into your sea — full of natural beauty. Awe. She is like nature mystifying, and the object of your eye, your attention, your care. She is the land to be tamed, the soil to be tilled, the possession that the conqueror will occupy and build upon. You desire her. She is your beloved. She may almost want to push up against you only to feel your strength, as you hold her down again, possess her, and make her yours in every way. She loses her selfishness this way. She loses her false autonomy. It is a moment of transcendence. She longs for your desire and your love, side by side with knowing your power. Knowing this and feeling this deep within, she yearns to serve you, and the resistance fades away. She wants to be your treasured helper, and never to hurt you. She is conquered, a happily conquered people.
A man can show his wife he owns her from each sexual position uniquely. A man taking his wife on her back, is literally above her, manifesting his headship and protection of her. He can look into her eyes and see her face, showing and experiencing his knowledge of her — his knowledge of her soul. He can drizzle her bosom with gentle kisses and caresses, taunt her and tease her pinching her flesh, or hold her down firmly under his power and hammer hard straight into her. He can perhaps do all this at once, with power and tenderness. He can stretch her out, pinning her to the ground, enter relentlessly into her, and delicately paint her neck with with the soft of his lips, and her breasts with the tip of the tongue. The man having her on top also has her opened wider for him than perhaps in any other way, as he not only penetrates her tender sex, but grabs her legs and stretches them far apart, or up in the air, making her more open to him than she ever imagined. He stretches her wider, does not for a moment let her close. She knows she cannot resist his power. She cannot for a moment withdraw.
A man taking his woman from behind, also shows his dominance. Here she is in the ultimate submissive position — on her knees — and humbled having her bottom in the air. Any illusions of being in control evaporate for the dame, as her man bends her over and takes her. She cannot see him, but he sees her, and takes what he wants without her arms to get in the way, or even to reciprocate. Her shoulders to the ground, and her face in the bed, she is ultimately abased. Even a woman who loves getting taken this way knows there is something humbling about being bent over, as it is a physical, erotic admission of defeat. She is the conquered one. A master riding his steed is the one in control. The steed is the one being ridden. Taking his wife on her knees places him in the easy position to slap her hard, and to hold the reins by holding her hair to control the ride. Perhaps no other position lets her know she is being taken by her master than being ridden from behind. He continuously sees the evidence of her surrender, in her upturned bottom, and available sex. With every thrust he reminds her she’s taken.
Letting your woman ride you on top does nothing to take away your mastery of her. She can enjoy deciding the pace as she likes, and deciding the motion, and the man has his hands free in great position to explore her body easily up and down. He runs his fingers on her lips, down her neck, her bosom, and to her sex as they make love, easily handling her two places at once. If he chooses, he can lift her off the ground. When he wants to take his turn to control the pace, it’s simple enough to take her by the waist, or the hips, and move her as he desires. He has full play of the motion of her body, swinging her hips thighs, and bosom. He enjoys the view of his wife’s beauty as he lies back, and lets her show off her body and movement for him to enjoy.
A woman can melt away at her man’s strength when he takes her both ways repeatedly. He uses her on both ends to open up to his own enjoyment. She loses her self completely as she’s stuffed full in her sex, and then in her mouth, and then back again. Her body becomes simply the vessel for his desire. She is stripped naked to be taken as he wants. The easiest position to do this from is while taking her from behind, with her rear in the air. It’s not hard to be riding her from the back, take a stride over to her face, and then ride her face hard for a while, and then quickly return to open up her sex again. She knows she is yours to open. It’s only slightly more work when riding her from above, on her back, to go from hammering her between her thighs to climbing up and straddling her face. You an make her feel entered through both ends at once while making love, sliding your fingers in her mouth, and exploring it, and having her suck on them as you take her. A woman entered and filled both ways knows she is a part of you. It leaves her feeling covered inside and out by your body, and wanting it more and more, craving that you own her harder and deeper. Tell her she belongs to you, and she will know it. She has been shown it through her body.
I often hear from men looking to get over problems in their marriage. In some of these cases, it is clear there is a roadblock in the marriage bed. It’s not the only roadblock, but it is sizable. Either sex is infrequent, or when it occurs, it is overly decided by the wife, and by her preferences. Overcoming this barrier, likely put up by a wife’s insecurities, or poor attitude, can open up enormous potential in the man to lead and the wife to whole-heartedly submit. That’s on top of bringing them both delight and much closeness. Women come to learn they are not the ones who decide how or when sex will occur. Women learn not to put any conditions on sex, or use it to bribe or threaten. The man learns he can take his wife just as he likes when he likes, and a woman learns to let down the barriers she has haughtily put up, and give of herself fully, being the conquered land her man enjoys. Every barrier gets stripped away, and and every inch of her flesh is her man’s to use.
Women, much more than men, are connected to their bodies, and moved by their feelings. This is one reason she can respond so well to you sexually. It’s why sexual training can be so effective in helping her let go of resistance. Her mind may want to surrender to you, but can’t figure out quite how. It may not be able to overcome her pride or her mouth. But her body loves to surrender to you, to lose itself, to be molded softly to your will. Her flesh and her powerful feelings learn to give way to you, and to be in awe at you, in a way that breaks down any walls she has built. Your work in bed is not mere pillow talk or pleasure. It is learning to take the right shape, which for a woman is conformed to your strong will. It is her flesh loving to fulfill your command. Repeated lessons have lasting results for woman. She should know your strength over her and in her, together with our deep longing for her, and the knowledge that you have of her body, to bring her almost unbearable pleasure. Where words and discipline help guide a lady, much else gets worked out in the marriage bed. Let the real instruction begin.
Note: I want to congratulate Israel, which appeared as number four in visitors on this website the other day, although she is much smaller than other nations high on the list. Despite all their differences, I hope Jew, Christian, and Muslim all know peace in marriage through headship and discipline.
Happy Resurrection Day! The Lord lives and rules forever.
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