Spanking functions well to correct a wife who slips out of her submission, or who chooses to do something harmful. It is a simple guide for her in accomplishing her goal. Spanking becomes more challenging, and discipline needs to be done more thoughtfully when training a rebellious woman to live in peace. Most of the process is the same, but more patience, thoughtfulness, care, and at times severity needs to be practiced when a woman has a rebellious heart. That heart comes from pride, and she needs to be humbled.
I have heard from a number of men in the past year who are leading their rebellious wives towards learning submission. One has had great success in only a few months. The others have taken steps forward, and seen their wives accept correction and hold back on their bad behavior, but also seen them backslide from time to time, and struggle internally with obeying authority. The most important thing to know if this is your situation, is that it CAN be done. Many rebellious women are willing to get started with putting their attitude in the past. They know it’s wrong. Don’t let their attitude fool you. Don’t be discouraged by their stumblings. They can and do change, and learn to be gentle reverent wives. They will accept your authority with your patient training.
At heart she simply needs to be humbled, and that includes a spiritual stepping down. It means you lower yourself UNDER your authority and soften your heart. It means you give up your grasp on certain decisions. You give up your grasp on correcting your husband or getting angry at him. You embrace an acceptance of his leadership, and a deep sense of trust. Humbling bites at the pride. It sometimes causes fear. But once a woman starts to walk forward in it, she can know the peace and fulfillment within submissive life. She starts to enjoy the warm protection of her husband. She knows the satisfaction of being soft and bending to him. At heart it is lowering herself down. She’s not the boss anymore and she’s going to learn to bow to him.
Rebellious wives are not purely a modern phenomenon. There have always been women who, through personality, or through being spoiled, thought they could always get their way. There have always been women who needed a firm correction, or to be thoroughly spanked, before they could gently obey their husbands. Just look at the Taming of the Shrew, by William Shakespeare, which is far from a situation unique to the imagination of the brilliant author. It came from an author who simply looked at life, contemplated it, and portrayed it with his purposes in mind. There have always been bad wives. Women since sin came into the world have at time married a weaker man, or an apathetic man, and used that opportunity to gain command. At the minimum they used it to ignore their husband, or disrespect him. This problem is heightened in the modern era, because women are trained to be independent from men, and also trained to think a woman who obeys her man is being demeaned. They are taught to idolize their own desires and goals, and to ridicule the obedient wife, who stays at home. Even when women understand that submission is good, even when they try to learn submission, often they have violently conflicting thoughts, and their emotions are confused. They are desiring what they have already learned to hate. They are finding satisfaction in what they’ve been taught is demeaning. It is no wonder some women struggle, and will need both more patience, and more firmness, to bring to a fuller walk of submission. Between a woman’s personality, and a feminist upbringing, husbands need to be prepared to train a wife whose attitude is terrible.
Often a wife with attitude knows there is a problem. She hates the result of conflict and hates the way it feels. She doesn’t always know why she acts the way she does, and comes to wish she could stop. She is not always out-and-out against being spanked, especially when the marriage is suffering, and she has heard good testimonies of how well it works. She is longing for the peace and protection of her man, at times longing even for discipline. But her pride bites back. Her mouth causes trouble, and opens on its own. She gets angry just at the thought of giving in. A correction from her husband even verbally seems again like a terrible attack. The hearts is again inflamed with pride, and fears of accepting his headship flow in. She, like her man, may begin thinking this is impossible.
You need to be prepared for a journey with a woman like this. You will be transforming her. She needs to learn to let go of the old self and begin living in the new self. Much like the changeover the Christian must learn from the life of a child of darkness to the life of a child of light, an entire mindset — along with associated habits — gets changed. Do not be discouraged if she has outbursts or regresses. Keep moving forward with training her and be consistent with your verbal leadership and your discipline. Remind her of her position — submitted fully to you. Remind her of her goal — a peaceful marriage and a gentle soft character. Remind her of the good her submission accomplishes for the home, and ultimately, how that peaceful home will bless society. When she is living peacefully under you, she will enjoy the full benefits of your reign. Warfare will be in the past. Spankings will become rare, and much more joy will fill the household. Friends will see the difference in your marriage. They will see the change for the good. Christian households will become a true witness of Christ and a picture of what He does, rather than an ongoing embarrassment. Few people miss the signs of a loving family.
A husband must never be intimidated by his wife’s bad attitude. Nor should he fly off the handle and just get angry with it. He must continue to be firm, correct her with words, and discipline her swiftly when needed. Do not be dismayed either by a wife’s attacks or excuses. She needs to know who is in charge in the marriage. You have the authority as the man. You don’t have to prove it, or to earn it by behavior. You don’t put yourself there because of pride. You have the headship because you are her husband. That’s a position she needs to respect. No one can take that away from you.
Explain to her clearly what you expect. Let her know the attitude she needs to have, and how she needs to speak to you as her head. She surely knows how to respect an authority in other instances. She will need to learn to do that for her husband as well, and do so to a greater degree. Be specific about what attitude and language is out of line and why, and remind her when you need to. Make sure she knows both to speak to you with honor and seek permission from you for any major decision. She should be regularly deferring to your authority, and with time she will learn to do this easily. It takes her more practice because of her background or her personality. But she will learn.
Again, be certain not to get easily upset. This shows insecurity and weakness on your part. Your presence should be calm. Let her know you are looking out for her good by leading her as well as by correcting her. It is not about self-gratification on your part but the good of the marriage. Encourage her regularly in all the good things she does, and praise her regularly for her behavior and as your wife. Any wife deserves that, even one who has problems with attitude. Don’t feel the need to be critical all the time. There’s a great deal she’s working on, and she’s not going to get everything right. Focus your correction on bad attitude, disrespect, bad behavior. Keep it simple. Otherwise she should know your regular love, praise, and trust, even though she falters and fails.
Make sure her spankings are undesirable times. Disrespect must be punished severely, as should disobedience. Draw a clear boundary line with bad behavior, so she can see that stepping over that line will result in a session she really wants to avoid. Then be consistent with punishment. I hear the way some wives speak to their husbands, and in my home, that would swiftly end in a thorough paddling. It would not be repeated. If she is thoroughly punished when attitude and disrespect rise up in her, she will start to remember next time to avoid it. She will start checking herself and look for another way to express what she wants, or even a new way to look at the matter. At the very fundamental level, she is learning she’s not in charge.
Rebellious wives usually act up with great frequency. For this reason, giving her regular spankings just to train her can be more helpful than in other situations. While I don’t think maintenance spankings are for everyone, this is on prime example of when to use them — her problem is ongoing, and she backslides from her submission. Regular time to undress, kneel before her husband, and receive a spanking will help her get into the right mindset. It will help her grow accustomed to being soft, to being obedient, and knowing she is under his power. Spanking as training helps to soften a woman. It helps her walk with a humbler attitude, and take a step down.
Understand the importance of your spiritual leadership. She is already a woman who has been misled by bad teachers, and you need to be a good one to her. Lead the home Bible study, set good ethical standards for the home, and teach specifically what Scripture teaches about marriage, which is divine authority. It explains her role, along with the honor she should show her man. Be prepared to correct any false teachings she has heard about being a woman or a wife, even from other Christians. Gender is bent in the churches only a little less severely than in Western culture in general. Countless women have been harmed by this, and taken off of the rails. They have been confused by false teachers. You need to correct these wrong ideas and explain why they are false.
Sexual training is important for her, perhaps more so than other wives. It can reach her soul much more effectively than an explanation or an intelligent argument. It cuts through all the garbage. A woman learns submission by experience in bed, and learns to love being soft, where she resisted it before. She loves your power, where she tried to answer back before. She embraces her own great desire to submit to you, by doing so with her body, and by doing so intimately. She experiences your command over her and loves it. Sexual training is key in helping her learn. It cuts through her mind’s usual objections to being soft, often in an instant. Make sure she is submissive in bed, and have her serve you sexually, never going too long between sessions. Keep her regularly on her knees giving pleasure, and she will remember that fulfilling position. It taps into her longing to serve you. It helps her grow in that desire, gradually becoming more comfortable her own softness and with your guidance. Sexual service is close to the heart of being submissive.
Don’t just work with your wife by teaching the rules. Work with her character as well. That FEMININE character was given to her by God and fits perfectly with her role in submission and in the home. It is beautiful and soft, gentle, mysterious. Encourage what is feminine for her, and let her know her femininity will win half the battle. She will have far less resistance to you if she learns to respond in the feminine way, which is to follow your power, and not replace it with her own. An imitation man really isn’t that beautiful. A godly and virtuous woman is. A soft, nurturing, modest woman is. A woman’s beauty comes from her gentle, humble heart. Look for that beauty, and seek to see it within her. She should also know what that godly femininity looks like. Separate her from activities in which she imitates men. Lead her in modesty, feminine appearance, and in pure godly speech. Teach her to use clean, gentle words, not just with you but all the time. She will start to see that pure woman just as you do, and know that a change is possible. She will see that change happening, and learn to love the new woman.
What if your wife refuses discipline? What if she says she gives up trying? As you know, in this culture you would not be permitted to continue to discipline her, since the culture does not respect your real authority. However, work with what you have and make progress. You can still move her towards a heart attitude of submission. You can go back to the start as well and explain the purpose of her correction, and the authority that you have. Do not simply give up. No one in the world can take away the role you have as a husband, which you have no need to earn. Lead her and correct her with all the tools you have, even if not everything is possible for you. Remember, she knows in her heart there is a problem with her rebelliousness. She knows it is wrong. Backsliding, and attitude don’t change that. What you are giving her is good for her and she longs for the peace she will enjoy when her rebellion is over. Continue to do everything in your power to lead her. Deep inside she wants to stop carrying that heavy load.
Humbling a woman with attitude is not altogether different from guiding a more peaceful wife. Key ingredients are the same. The rebellious wife needs a discipline that is deeper in all regards. She needs more careful attention. You’ll find your patience, thoughtfulness, verbal leadership, and spankings will likely need to be more thorough. You’ll need to show your love and your power are unwavering. She will stumble far more often, but may hunger for the end result with greater thirst than other women. She learns from your deepened discipline. She learns from your abounding love. As she grows to greater beauty, she will not fail to see the connection between them. The woman always yelling at you longs that you make her clean. She knows it’s wrong. When you finally humble her, you will also build her up.
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